A Tamil Nadu Wedding (Lorie in India, Blog #5)

Traditionally, Indian couples have arranged marriages.  Tamil Nadu is a traditional place in Southern India, where many ancient customs are still observed.  Our tour guide, Nacuma, had an arranged marriage even though she has a Ph D in tourism and her husband is a high school physics teacher with a Masters degree.

Lacuma tells us that now there are both arranged and “love” marriages, but that the love marriages are resulting in many more divorces.  This is because the arranged marriages acknowledge that a good marriage is two families uniting, not just two people.  So everyone negotiates the marriage and also helps the couple to solve problems once the marriage has occurred.   

In her case, she was 22 and went to a family party with her sister and father.  She talked to many people there.  After the party, her father got a call from her future mother in law, saying she wanted to arrange a marriage with the older daughter, Lacuma.  Both families found out more about the other party.  The potential mother in law asked about a dowry, but Lacuma’s father said he did not believe in dowries, but was willing to pay for the whole wedding (which takes up to 10 days and costs a lot).  She said OK if she can still do her Ph D and work.  They agreed to these terms, after a few weeks of deliberating between parties.

   

In Hindu communities, some times of year are auspicious for marriage, and some are not.  This is the end of the monsoon season and an auspicious time, so there are marriages day and night in the town halls.  We are invited to meet her at 6:30 AM for an “exotic experience”, and walk a few blocks from the hotel to a town hall where a wedding ceremony is in process.  Lacuma knew about it because there is a big billboard on the street in front, announcing the weddings of the day as if they are movies.

If one is active in a political party, the party candidate is pictured on this poster along with the family.   It is considered auspicious to have a well known person, like a politician, attend.  As elders and visitors, we are also considered good luck, so we are invited!

The room below is full of cooking.  People rolling out chapattis and cooking them on a griddle, coconut juice being prepared.  The “stage” where the wedding will take place has been being prepared all night with fresh flower decorations.  The hall is full of folding chairs, and we join a crowd there.  Musicians are at the back. 

The crowd is beautifully dressed, with amazing sarees on all women and little girls. 

Women wear flower chains in their hair, and bride and groom have elaborate flower chains and leis around their necks and down the bride’s back.

The musicians begin and play throughout the ceremony.  I am particularly excited about this, since Tamil music is very famous, and I have wanted to hear it.  It is like jazz- very wonderful.  A plaintif horn, with double reeds, makes a special sound, and drumming is highly rhythmic and complex.  Wonderful.

The ceremony begins with the bride and groom on stage with a priest, and continues with both sets of parents up on stage along with various representatives of cousins, aunts and uncles.  The bride washes the mother’s and mother in law’s feet, and various rituals involving fire, breaking coconuts, and more are performed.  The music is loud and punctuates the ceremony at all points.  There seems to be little talk.  This is a culture in which everything is symbolic and there is a universally shared set of symbols, so meanings are clear to all (except us!).

What an experience!  Apparently the wedding ceremony is on the last day of up to 10 days of parties.  Now the couple is married, and will go off on honeymoon.