When
are a pile of wood, old tires, and pieces of pipe precious commodities, rather
than objects ready for a dump run? At
Peregrine School, these things are the precious materials from which airplanes
and forts are constructed, and about which there is sometimes conflict. Over a month ago, Peregrine elementary
students were having a problem with resource distribution during building
projects. They met together, with our
teachers, and came up with a set of rules.
Eight pieces of junk per student, sixteen if two students band together,
and so on. Every student signed the
giant rule sheet, and it has been posted ever since. In the last month, wonderful things were built: Roman aquaducts moving water underground
through pipes and in and out of sandbox cities, and a whole fleet of airplanes
with moving propellers. At the end of
each week, the projects are taken apart so that new ones can be made the
next. That is also a student made rule.
However,
this week, another building conflict occurred: the question of forts and how
they are governed. And this time the
focus was more difficult, because it really was on exclusion and inclusion, an
old theme, and on teasing and other mean behaviors. This piece is on how Peregrine teachers help
kids to unravel complex situations like this one (which, interestingly, rework
age-old human conflicts related to inclusion, exclusion, territory, behavioral
limits, and more). Yesterday, I was
impressed with the teachers’ skills and the kids’ willingness, so I would like
to tell the story. I also feel that as
parents, you need to understand this, so you can help your child talk about
his/her conflicts in a Peregrine/Cool Tools way.
Conflict
Resolution Session
All
the students gathered in the dance room, as did all the teachers, in place of
morning circle in the classrooms. A two
part process began, in which the teachers acted as mediators.
The
students are asked to be “consultants”, and to tell the group what the problems
are. Students are told not to use
people’s names, and are told that once they have spoken, their ideas become
group property, are usually recorded on the board, and can be used as talking
points for anyone. Both participants and
witnesses can speak.
A
picture emerged. Two groups of kids had
begun to build forts on different sides of the playground, and to exclude
others from their forts. Some created
passwords. Some blocked others from
entry. A “war” between the forts
emerged, although it was kept under wraps, since everyone knew teachers would
not allow it. There were, separately and
in the context of the forts, incidents of teasing or ridiculing. There were also instances when students
raided each other’s forts for lumber.
Many students were not involved at all, but the two groups became
unevenly matched, with many boys in one fort and only a couple in the
other. The two boys who ended up on the
“losing” team brought the situation to the group.
Several
aspects of the problem were revealed, through discussion. Teacher Chris wrote many student’s statements
on the board, so that everyone could see them.
From many statements, a few key problems were identified. Final statements were made by every member of
the group. The three key problems were
defined as:
·
Forts themselves, do they lead to conflict?
·
War as a mode of play
·
Exclusion from forts
·
Teasing or ridiculing others
The
process took an hour, but all students were attentive and involved. They listened to each other, and everyone
weighed in.
Teachers
Brittany and Marcia took over, and began the second part of the discussion:
possible solutions.
Students
voted whether “war” was a good game to play on the yard. All but two or three voted that it was a bad
game, that should not be allowed. It was
agreed that it would not be allowed.
The
same discussion occurred related to exclusion from forts, either through
passwords or other means. Everyone
agreed that even if forts were kept, there could be no exclusion. Anyone could enter a fort, up to the point of
safety.
Around
the question of forts, several solutions were proposed. One student adamantly felt that forts
themselves were the problem, explaining that they were the foundation upon
which other conflicts get built. Others
felt that forts could stay if they were not exclusive, but merely settlements,
and if anyone could enter another person’s fort.
In
the end, the group voted to keep the forts but to outlaw the sides and
exclusion.
Finally,
students agreed that teasing and ridiculing are already “red light” behaviors
at our school, and that they wanted help from teachers in making consequences
for students who do these things. (At
another meeting, students had agreed that if students tease or put down others
in the yard, they need to sit at the “red table” for the rest of the recess
and, in cases of repeated incidents, there are more consequences.)
Everyone
voted to accept the proposal: our latest playground constitution.
Central
to the proposal working was the idea that when students feel a rule has been
broken, and especially if they feel hurt or left out, that they tell a teacher
so that the teachers can help them to manage the situation.
I
was very impressed with how all students collaborated, with the expert help of
teachers, to solve such a complex playground problem themselves. They were civil, expressed various ideas,
listened to each other, and came up with a viable solution. This solution will no doubt need amendment,
but that will be the next meeting!
Important
thoughts for parents:
It
is important to understand that unlike at some schools, there is an ongoing
process driven by students and teachers together to solve playground
disputes. Students who feel upset by
things that happen at school need to tell their parents and teachers, but the
action that is taken will fit into the process that the students and teachers
have set up.
For
example, if a child feels that s/he has been excluded from a fort, s/he can use
his/her “cool tools” of walking away, using a purple voice, etc. to try to
solve the problem him/herself. If this
doesn’t work, s/he needs to tell a teacher what is going on, so that the
situation can be mediated right away, in context, before it gets out of
hand. Learning to use “cool tools” and
to tell teachers what is happening is the responsibility of the child, because
it helps that child to learn to be an effective problem solver. Obviously, if a child is much younger than
the party in conflict, the teachers will step in sooner, and less is expected
in the way of problem solving techniques.
But our ultimate goal, through all of our mediation on the playground
and through discussion, is to teach the students to mediate their own conflicts,
since they will need to do so as they get older.
How
can parents help? Parents of course need
to listen to their children. Learning to
be a social being is a hard, sometimes painful process. Then, after hearing their child’s problem,
parents can help us most by asking the child if s/he has talked to his/her
teacher about this problem, and encouraging him/her to do so.
We
hope that parents can join with us in supporting the process which children are
going through, in learning to solve their own problems collaboratively. We believe that this process is at the heart
of what our students are learning. This is not a small matter, nor a small part
of the curriculum.
It
would be easier for teachers to swoop in and say: “No more forts”. But less would be learned. I personally am uncertain whether forts can
work as non-exclusive centers, since the word “fort” comes from a conflictive
base. But if there continues to be
conflict, the students will come to this conclusion themselves. And maybe they will surprise me and be able
to manage forts without conflict.
Should
you as a parent tell your child’s teacher when s/he feels stressed by behaviors
at school? Absolutely. The child needs to feel s/he has a voice, and
has been heard by all adults. But to
support our approach, it is important that you:
1)
Encourage your child to speak to the student with whom there is conflict
him/herself, and if it doesn’t work, to tell the teacher him/herself.
2)
Understand that the teacher may not answer you with a “solution”
of the sort you might hear at a different school, such as “we will get rid of
those…. ” or “---- will be punished…”
3)
Some students think that if they tell their parents, and their
parents talk to the teacher, that their side in an argument will prevail. Some of these arguments, such as “forts or no
forts”, are ongoing, and must be resolved by the group. The teacher will feed
your child’s comment into his/her process that is ongoing with the group.
It is
important to note, however, that if a student does something actively harmful
or dangerous to others, there will be consequences, taken by teachers, to
assure that it stops. Behavior
management of particular students is separate from this group process, and
ongoing, since the safety of the students is our highest priority.
Why do this?
This is not an easy way to solve problems. I was extremely proud of our teachers
yesterday, because they showed great skill in guiding the students through a
long fact finding and solutions discussion, and were able to set good
boundaries so that no one got upset.
Why would they want to do this instead of simply to lay down rules
themselves?
The
answer is important. What our students
are learning from being creative problem solvers in their academic work will
mean little if they are not also problem solvers in the social world. They are all prospective junior high and high
school students who will need to make decisions about their own behavior and to
mediate conflicts between their friends without adults always present. They are
also prospective twenty-first century citizens who will have to work
collaboratively, sometimes with people with different cultures, languages, and
values. And they are future citizens of
a democracy. Learning to define problems
without anger, hear others’ points of view, and solve their conflicts in a
collaborative way, are basic skills
for life. The world would be a better
place if all people, let alone nations, learned to do this. Although we do not want to see kids hurt or
upset, we are in a sense glad when problems like this emerge at our school,
because they are such great learning opportunities.
Parents: please feel
free to talk to your child’s teacher or to me if you have questions about these matters. Having you on board is an essential part of
making this work.
